


i know now (we were meant to be)

by khrysallis



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abuse is by side character, Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, bathroom blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 23:03:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13351356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khrysallis/pseuds/khrysallis
Summary: Fate must be playing a cruel joke on him. Otherwise Kyungsoo really shouldn't have been assigned a bodyguard who  happens to be his ex-boyfriend.





	i know now (we were meant to be)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kimdyokai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimdyokai/gifts).



> **warnings:** some mention of blood (non-graphic), emotional abuse by side character. lots of sexual tension and frustration coming your way because ksoo is tsundere af. 
> 
> entirely proofread by myself. any and all mistakes are mine.

"We're getting you a bodyguard."

The hand which had been pressing an ice pack wrapped in a towel pauses mid-action as he tries to digest the brand new piece of information. He knows how he must appear to his parents right now, eyes blinking owlishly at them in feigned confusion as he sits on his hospital bed. Otherwise, Do Kyungsoo probably looks like a complete mess, with large, angry, purpling bruises covering various surfaces of his skin, as well as a triangular bandage hooked around his neck, supporting his arm which is currently set in a cast. 

It's not until the frost of the ice burns red hot against his face that Kyungsoo finally lets his good arm drop, and his skin tingles long after. Beside him, a maid rushes to his bed to pick up the discarded towel, leaving it inside the basin of melted ice on Kyungsoo's bedside table. Then, on better judgement of the situation, she excuses herself from the room so that Kyungsoo could talk things out with his parents. Kyungsoo can't say he's not grateful for the much-needed privacy.

Once the door clicks shut behind the maid, Kyungsoo sighs and tries to straighten himself on the bed. He winces at the sharp stab of pain coming from his chest—a couple of his ribs have been fractured, and is the main reason why he's confined to the hospital at all—but quickly schools his expression into one of neutrality. 

Slowly, calmly, Kyungsoo meets his parents' eyes and asks, "Must I?" 

In all fairness, Kyungsoo _gets_ why his parents have made such a decision. For the longest of time, Kyungsoo has been given leeway to walk around freely, without needing to be chauffeured everywhere in a flashy limousine like his parents. He was allowed to make friends to his heart's content in school, blending in seamlessly without worrying that his friends were only pretending to be attached to him in order to leech off his social status. Of course, there's a catch to his unbridled freedom—Kyungsoo couldn't invite his friends over to their mansion for sleepovers, for fear of exposing his true identity as the second son of the Do family. 

This is the price he has to pay—hiding part of who he is from the people he cared about—in exchange for his freedom. Things don't come easy, when you're born into the Do family, which owns the DongA group of companies and is worth trillions. But because Kyungsoo wasn't in direct line of succession, his parents agreed (begrudgingly) to let Kyungsoo roam free and live a relatively normal schooling life, as long as he kept mum about his family business. Kyungsoo was more than happy to comply with the restriction, even if he had to live as the phantom youngest son of the Do family who has never made an appearance at official functions and charity events which were expected of him. 

It's only a small sacrifice, as far as Kyungsoo is concerned, but at least he was _truly happy_ —a trait so rarely seen in the upper caste of society. Also, the members of the media who knew of Kyungsoo's existence were paid handsomely to keep their silence; it's a comparatively easy task to accomplish, considering the fact that it doesn't even leave a dent noticeable enough in their family's finances. 

That was until his brother Seungsoo decided to vanish into thin air two years ago for reasons unknown, and Kyungsoo suddenly finds himself thrown under the spotlight of the business world. Then again, it's not as though Kyungsoo's dumb enough to not realise it's all a part of Seungsoo's ploy—he'd disappeared several days after Kyungsoo had graduated from his business and management degree _summa cum laude_. Kyungsoo's parents had thought that Seungsoo was kidnapped by a business rival—they still do—and had forced the police to launch a nation-wide hunt for their eldest son, though investigations proved to be futile when they didn't have a strong enough lead, and with no ransom note forwarded to their mansion even after a month of Seungsoo's disappearance, the police had no choice but to halt their search, citing limitations in resources. 

_Forgive me for being selfish,_ the message had come days after the police had called off the case, and although there was no accompanying identification, Kyungsoo knew instantly that it was his brother. A part of him was glad that Seungsoo was safe and alive, but a greater part of Kyungsoo resented Seungsoo for pulling such an act. 

The stress of losing his absolute freedom overnight didn't stop there, when Kyungsoo found himself under intense scrutiny from the company's board of directors. They all wondered if he could step up to the plate, to fill in the void left behind by his irresponsible brother. He couldn't quite blame them for having such doubts; his father had never mentioned about grooming Kyungsoo to take over the company in the future. Kyungsoo is determined to prove them wrong. 

Nevertheless, Kyungsoo had still managed to coax his father off hiring a bodyguard for him, by virtue that he'd taken enough self-defence classes when he was younger, and had even attained a respectable ranking in each of them. Being the youngest has its perks, as well as possessing a good enough track record at keeping himself safe over the years, and his father eventually relented after much persuasion.

The incident five days ago, though, effectively ruined _everything_ for Kyungsoo. 

He found himself kidnapped by a long-time employee of the household who was recently laid off, knocked out and tied up soon after alighting from his car, and had a ten billion Won ransom pinned on his head. Kyungsoo, of course, ran his mouth the moment he regained his consciousness and recognised his kidnapper, which led to him being kicked in the ribs and shoulder multiple times. His kidnapper only stopped physically assaulting Kyungsoo when he heard the sickening crack of Kyungsoo’s ribs, probably knowing that he wouldn’t be able to get anything out of Kyungsoo’s parents if he ended up killing Kyungsoo by accident. It’s just not worth the trouble. 

Thankfully, the police were efficient enough to have located Kyungsoo less than a day after he was reported missing, and managed to cut his traumatising ordeal short. 

But here Kyungsoo is, confined to a hospital bed five days on, barred from leaving the room unless accompanied by a trusted servant under the Do household and a police officer. It’s not as though Kyungsoo could get anywhere far, considering the degree of his injuries and his current dependence on morphine to kill his pain, but he still feels like a prisoner, only with much better amenities and a bit more freedom to walk around. 

Having a bodyguard following him around, he surmises, would probably be somewhere along those lines. Imprisoned without actually being behind bars or being handcuffed. Already Kyungsoo feels suffocated by the mere thought of it. 

“We have given you enough leeway, Kyungsoo. Look what happened,” his father says, gesturing at the mess that is Kyungsoo. His ribs throb at the reminder, and it takes all of Kyungsoo’s willpower to not hit the button of the patient-controlled analgesic machine. The morphine is making him groggy, and he needs to wean himself off the drug before the doctors would even consider letting him leave the hospital. 

Even his mother, who is usually on his side, shakes her head in response to Kyungsoo’s request. “It’s too dangerous to leave you walking around without one, now that people are trying to take you out,” she tells him, voice trailing off before she adds on a quiet: “I can’t afford to lose another son." 

In the end, Kyungsoo sighs, thoroughly defeated. He knows where his mother is coming from, and he doesn’t think she has ever recovered from the shock of losing Seungsoo to the unknown. Kyungsoo doesn’t have the heart to tell his parents that his brother resents his lineage, and the restrictive life he was born into. 

"Okay," he breathes, resigned. "Do whatever you think is best." 

It seems to placate his father, though, who is all smiles as he dials a number on his phone and proceeds to make arrangements for a bodyguard to be sent to their residence in the morning. There’s nothing else Kyungsoo can do, apart from staring out the window of his fifth floor hospital room, trying to be content with watching the clouds float by. 

He isn’t.

 

☆彡

 

Two more days of morphine and three more days of lung rehabilitation later, Kyungsoo is finally given a clean bill of health and is allowed to go home by the doctors. Just as well; he feels like he’s going to rot in the confines of the hospital ward if he has to stay in there any longer. While he could use his tablet to read up on the latest news, his dominant arm which is in a cast after the correctional surgery constantly gets in the way with how chunky it is, and Kyungsoo gives up after the third day. There isn't much on the news these days, anyway, when they've been constantly talking about Kyungsoo's kidnapping. It's not always that a _chaebol_ heir gets abducted in broad daylight, but Kyungsoo would rather not be reminded of his ordeal. 

While not exactly traumatising—he's experienced harsher treatment while in the army—it's still extremely embarrassing for the entire nation to know what had happened to him. 

Although the mansion had been growing increasingly restrictive over the last two years since his unveiling as the heir to the DongA Group, Kyungsoo feels almost relieved to be back home after spending close to half a month in the hospital. At least he's granted a lot more freedom to move around, and no longer requires a police officer to escort him around the premises, unlike what had happened at the hospital. 

“Welcome back, Young Master Kyungsoo. Have you been well?” His personal butler, a man in his mid-sixties called Mr. Jung, is all smiles as he comes forward to greet Kyungsoo. It makes Kyungsoo smile too, despite his exhaustion. Mr. Jung has been caring for him ever since Kyungsoo was in middle school; he has a special way of making Kyungsoo feel right at home, in a way his parents can’t possibly emulate. He's a lot closer to Kyungsoo than his own parents are, and knows more about Kyungsoo's personal interests than they ever will. Sometimes, Kyungsoo would find himself wondering how different his life would be, if Mr. Jung was his parent, if Kyungsoo hadn’t been born into a wealthy family. Perhaps he could roam free outside these walls, doing the things he loved best, instead of being on constant vigilance for any possible kidnapping attempts. 

These thoughts wouldn’t last long, though, because the guilt would set in quickly. He doesn’t want to hurt his mother any further. His brother has done enough damage in that department. 

Kyungsoo shoots a brief look at his right arm, then shrugs as he says, “I’ve been better, but good enough to survive as of now.” 

“Let me get your belongings, then. Please, head on up to your room, everything has been prepared—” Mr. Jung starts, though he’s cut off mid-sentence when Kyungsoo’s father clears his throat and startles them both. 

Mr. Jung quickly bows in greeting when he sees Kyungsoo’s parents walking in through the main door, and Kyungsoo can only allow his gaze to dip in embarrassment. He’d almost forgotten that his parents were right behind him, having chosen to alight their vehicle only after Kyungsoo had entered the house. 

“There is no room for insolence here,” he says calmly, though the warning undertone is clear in his words. Kyungsoo’s father has never liked it when Kyungsoo becomes overly friendly with their house staff, telling him that he should be aware of the people he’s interacting with because there’s no saying if they’d suddenly turn their backs on the household. Perhaps the wealth Kyungsoo’s father had amassed over the years and his experiences during that process had made him extremely cynical, but Kyungsoo is still keen on looking at the good side of people until proven otherwise. 

It’s much too tiring to be on a constant lookout for potential traitors. Kyungsoo doesn’t need that sort of stress in his life, when he’s already facing enough of it at work, trying to persuade potential investors and the company’s shareholders that he’s the right choice to succeed his father’s position in the conglomerate in the future. 

“I deeply apologise, Master. I was not aware that you were home,” Mr. Jung says, but steps out of the way regardless, his back still bent over in a bow. Servants aren’t supposed to look at the head of the family in the eye. Such is the rule implemented in the Do family home, and the segregation between different castes of society has never been more apparent to Kyungsoo. He hates it, but it's not as though he has the power to do anything about it now. 

Kyungsoo's father merely grunts in satisfaction at Mr. Jung's subservient actions, and ignores him in favour of glancing at Kyungsoo. If he sees the exhaustion written on Kyungsoo's expressions, the man is doing a good job at ignoring it, too. "There is someone I need you to meet. We've been putting this off for far too long," his father tells him. 

For a moment, the panic rises within Kyungsoo, thinking that his father might have arranged for him to meet a girl from another conglomerate’s family, in hopes that Kyungsoo would be interested. While he knows he's already at a ripe age of twenty four—the perfect age for marriage, as far as the affluent part of society is concerned—he isn’t at all ready to get married _now_ , and on such short notice, too. Besides, his parents don’t even know he’s gay, and he’s definitely going to land himself in hot soup, if he were to come out of the proverbial closet without any advanced planning on what he wants to say.

His father would even skin him alive, never mind that it’s technically illegal. 

“Father,” Kyungsoo grits out, pushing the morbid thoughts to the back of his head. “I don’t think I’m in any condition to meet anyone right now. Is it not possible for you to reschedule?” For good measure, Kyungsoo flails his bad arm around to remind his father about his injuries. Surely it’s not a good idea to present Kyungsoo to a potential spouse when he’s in such a miserable state? His clothes still smell like the antiseptics from the hospital, too. 

Unfortunately for Kyungsoo, his father immediately frowns at him, and he knows this battle is a lost cause. “I doubt your current state matters much to the other person. He’s going to be seeing you in various states throughout the day, anyway.” 

Wait. “ _He_?” Kyungsoo echoes, utterly confused. Did his parents somehow discover his sexual orientation somewhere along the way? Are they not going to be furious with him, when they’re seeking for an heir to succeed the company when Kyungsoo grows old in the future—something which is clearly impossible if Kyungsoo doesn’t get married to a woman who can bear his child?

“Yes, he,” Kyungsoo’s father confirms. There is a beat of silence before he finally catches up to Kyungsoo’s train of thoughts, and heaves an exhausted sigh. “It’s not what you’re thinking about, Kyungsoo. We’re not setting up an engagement for you. Not _yet_. We need to introduce you to your bodyguard. He’s been waiting to meet you since five days ago, but did not want to disturb you at the hospital.”

 _Oh_. “Oh,” Kyungsoo blurts out after another moment too long. “Okay, that makes better sense.”

“Come along now. I haven't got all day,” his father urges once the air has been cleared. Clearly, his father has another appointment scheduled after taking a quick stop at their mansion, judging by the way his secretary suddenly appears with a planner in his hand. His father’s secretary isn’t quite fond of Kyungsoo, from the way the man frowns at the mere sight of him, but the feeling is honestly mutual. The man has gotten on Kyungsoo’s nerves on more occasions than he can count, but he’s only tolerating him because his father trusts the man to sort out his schedules at work. 

Kyungsoo can only heave an exhausted sigh, and hurries after his father once the older man takes off in the direction of his study. In front of him, his father is engaged in a quiet conversation with his secretary, probably talking about one of the secret projects he’s doing without Kyungsoo’s knowledge. 

It’s much too early for Kyungsoo to know everything about the company, his father had once told him, but Kyungsoo doubts the man understands the concept of letting go gradually. He doesn’t want to jinx it, but Kyungsoo would definitely be doomed if anything terrible happened to his father, for he would be thrown into the position of the CEO of the conglomerate horribly under-prepared, and would be expected to function at a hundred percent the moment it happens. 

His father’s company would then be hijacked by the other major shareholders, and his legacy would disappear completely. The dramas playing on television has told him as much, as did the other people he personally knew.

There is a person standing by the French doors leading out of the study to the balcony when they arrive, likely admiring the view outside the mansion, and Kyungsoo marvels at the sight of broad shoulders, which are accentuated by the excellent fit of his black suit. The man is also probably at least a head taller than Kyungsoo is—it’s difficult to judge from the distance, but his legs seem like they go on forever. The man seems to be deep in thought; he doesn’t even realise that someone else had joined him in the room, even when there is a low conversation happening between Kyungsoo’s father and his secretary at the doorway. Either way, if this man is indeed Kyungsoo’s new bodyguard, it makes Kyungsoo a little sceptical of his ability to protect Kyungsoo in times of need. Kyungsoo could be kidnapped right behind him and he probably wouldn’t even notice. 

“Ah, Kai, I apologise for our lateness. I hope you haven’t been waiting for long,” Kyungsoo’s father greets the other man once his secretary is finally done harassing him for that evening’s schedule—tight, as far as Kyungsoo can gauge from eavesdropping on their conversation.

The man—Kai—immediately whirls around, a bright smile on his face as he bows at Kyungsoo’s father. “Not at all, sir. I should thank you for thinking of me as a suitable candidate for guarding your household,” he says, still bent over in a perfect 90-degree angle. 

“About that—I forgot to tell you that you’re not guarding our entire household. I am assigning you to my son, whom I trust you have heard was kidnapped fairly recently,” Kyungsoo’s father explains, and Kyungsoo could feel his cheeks flaming up from the unnecessary reminder. Trust his father to put him down in front of a complete stranger. "Let me formally introduce the both of you. Kyungsoo, this is Kai, your new bodyguard. Kai, this is Kyungsoo, my son and the next heir to the DongA group."

Everything Kyungsoo had wanted to say dies in his throat, his mouth going incredibly dry the moment Kai straightens himself and meets his gaze. Yes, the man is indeed handsome and around his age to boot, but more than that, Kyungsoo actually _recognises_ him, knows who he is. 

Judging by the widening of Kai's eyes, he recognises Kyungsoo, too.

This can't be happening.

 

☆彡

 

The introductions between him and his new bodyguard were kept to a bare minimum, curt and simple, before Kyungsoo excused himself to retire to his room, citing extreme exhaustion from travelling and a pounding headache. His father's lips were pressed into a thin line as he agreed to dismiss Kyungsoo, but he could hear his father telling Kai that _Kyungsoo is a difficult person to be around with sometimes, please don't mind him_ as he walked away from the study. 

Kai had laughed wryly in response, possibly more out of courtesy than real humour, but Kyungsoo had felt a sharp stab of pain in his chest regardless. But the feeling didn't stem from jealousy, not really. Kyungsoo's far from the point of being envious of his father's good relationship with someone else who isn't him, having accepted the fact years ago that he just isn't good enough in his father's eyes—simply because Kyungsoo _isn't_ Seungsoo. His father denied it vehemently when Kyungsoo had accused him of being biased, of course, and Kyungsoo had learnt to drop the matter completely and do the best he can, even with his father constantly breathing down his neck. 

(There isn't a point in trying to talk sense into someone who's more stubborn than Kyungsoo is. Kyungsoo has never been much like his father, but it's one of the rare traits Kyungsoo had inherited from his father, the one thing that affirms Kyungsoo's status as Do Jungtaek's son. Do Jungtaek is much too calm, too rational, always calculating risks and benefits for every action he takes, while Kyungsoo would rush head-first into everything, as long as his heart dictates him to. Kyungsoo is also kind, much too kind, _the company will go bankrupt if you keep prioritising your own staff over your profits_ kind—much like his mother. His smarts is his only saving grace, his father would always tell him, tone exasperated, and Kyungsoo was honestly fine with it. He doesn't want to emulate his father and his legacy, if it means having to betray his conscience and work his subordinates to death for the sake of money. 

_Seungsoo_ was the one who was most like their father, and their father had taken Seungsoo's sudden disappearance a lot harder than he projects on the outside, even if he pretends to be fine.)

On the contrary, Kai's laugh reminds Kyungsoo of five Springs ago, when he had drafted himself into the army against his parents' protests. Except, back then, Kyungsoo knew Kai as Kim Jongin, and Kyungsoo was known as Seo Kyungshin to Kai. 

That was the only way his parents would have allowed him to enlist for his compulsory service—something which his father had paid for Seungsoo to get _out_ of. By changing his name and pretending as though he didn't have an ounce of connection to the Do family and the DongA group for almost two years, much like what Kyungsoo had done while attending public schools, it allowed him to live like a true civilian for once, without his servants watching after his every move. It was the only time Kyungsoo could ever learn to be independent, and he enjoyed every bit of it. 

If anyone ever knew what Kyungsoo and his family had done to keep the army officials' mouths shut about his true identity, though, Kyungsoo doesn't doubt that it would invite a severe backlash. Even more of a reason why Kyungsoo is determined to bring it to his grave. He didn’t expect for Jongin to reenter his life in such a dramatic fashion. 

Kyungsoo sighs loudly and smothers his face with his pillow when the thoughts of Kai—no, _Jongin_ —keeps interfering with his attempts at taking a much needed nap. 

He knows why Jongin has such a huge impact on him, though. Jongin was the first person to ever speak to him when Kyungsoo was in the army, when Kyungsoo was still unused to the rowdy behaviour of those who have enlisted with him. His parents have made sure to impart impeccable manners in him since he was young, and this includes holding his tongue and not cursing even when he's extremely furious. Kyungsoo was teased mercilessly by his colleagues who called him a snob and a goody-two-shoes, amongst other cruder names, and had ostracised him in the camp. It didn't help that he couldn't wear contact lenses because it discomforted him a great deal, and spectacles were out of the question during the rigorous physical training sessions. Everyone ended up thinking that Kyungsoo was glaring at them, when in reality, he just couldn't quite see because of his poor eyesight. 

They bullied him even more because of that—until Jongin had stepped in and told their colleagues off for doing such a thing. 

In all honesty, Kyungsoo didn't think Jongin would stand up for him, nor did he _want_ Jongin to. Jongin became an additional target for the bullies in the army camp, just because he refused to let them pick on Kyungsoo any longer, and he didn't back down even when the ragging turned from bad to worse. Kyungsoo had told Jongin time and again to leave him alone—sometimes with methods harsher than the last—but still Jongin was stubborn enough to stick around, wearing a bright smile on his face every time he extends his hand to help Kyungsoo up. He defended Kyungsoo until Kyungsoo had managed to ace the close quarters combat sessions, until Kyungsoo could fend for himself in the army camp and kick the asses of those who dared to pick on him. 

Even then, Jongin could always be seen around Kyungsoo. They were practically joined by the hip in the army, and it was only natural that they ended up falling in love.

Of course, Jongin had also ended up breaking Kyungsoo's heart, when he disappeared on Kyungsoo the moment they completed their two-year compulsory service, without even offering a proper goodbye or any sort of closure. Kyungsoo didn't even have the opportunity to confess to him about his true identity. What Kyungsoo thought was his sweetest dream promptly turned into his darkest nightmare, and he had vowed never to let anyone into his heart ever again. 

Fate must be playing a cruel game on him by letting Jongin appear in his life again. He's sure of it. 

And he's more than determined to make Jongin's life difficult, in every way possible.

 

☆彡

 

Even if it’s a bit of an annoyance to have someone tailing him everywhere, Kyungsoo feels a childish sense of satisfaction whenever he meets Jongin’s eyes and sees the thousand and one questions his new bodyguard is dying to ask him. Clearly, one of them would be _weren’t you called Seo Kyungshin?_ , and the next would be about his true identity and family background. Then again, Kyungsoo refuses to acknowledge those silent questions, and would hardly even speak to Jongin unless absolutely necessary—which also translates to _almost never_ in his books. 

In retrospect, Kyungsoo thinks that not presenting himself in public as the second in line to the throne of the DongA group ever since his grade school days was a good call, even if he’s had to endure his father’s disapproving looks whenever he bailed out of charity balls, including the ones his own family held. Unlike Seungsoo, Kyungsoo’s face wasn’t widely circulated in the mass media, and he’s been blessed with relative anonymity from the rest of the country. He’s not sure where Jongin had been hiding in the last two years since Seungsoo’s disappearance and Kyungsoo’s eventual unveiling as the heir apparent to the DongA group, but it’s clear that the man hasn’t been the most religious in following the nation’s biggest news—or he simply didn’t care. 

Jongin would merely greet him quietly in the morning when Kyungsoo steps out of the mansion, the syllables of Kyungsoo’s name foreign on his tongue, before climbing into the front seat of the limousine once Kyungsoo is seated in the back. Kyungsoo isn’t oblivious to the furtive glances Jongin has been casting in his direction through the rearview mirror, though he decides not to address them, too. No point keeping Jongin’s hopes up.

He doesn’t address the times Jongin had mistakenly called him _Kyungshin_ , either—whether it’s by habit or on purpose, Kyungsoo doesn’t know. What he _does_ know, though, is the fact that the tight lid he’s been trying to keep on his borrowed identity would be pried open if he did, and Kyungsoo isn’t sure if he’s ready to talk about _feelings_ at all. 

This is for the best.

 

☆彡

 

For how composed Jongin had been in the last couple of weeks since he had taken upon the task of being Kyungsoo’s bodyguard, Kyungsoo had thought that Jongin had already accepted the fact that he’ll never gain the courage to get the truth out of Kyungsoo, and was on the verge of moving on. 

But of course, Jongin has never failed to surprise him, from the very first time he had spoken to Kyungsoo at the barracks of the military training camp. Kyungsoo doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t for him to find Jongin standing there at the doorstep of his room that night, a wry smile on Jongin’s face when Kyungsoo finally answers the door. 

Kyungsoo thought it was Mr. Jung bringing him a midnight snack when someone had knocked lightly on his door—Kyungsoo had eaten very little for dinner, owing to the lack of appetite after being bombarded by DongA’s shareholders over a late evening meeting when they weren’t satisfied with his blueprint for the company’s future. Mr. Jung had the knack of doing so behind Kyungsoo’s father’s back, so he didn’t think much of it when he hobbled out of bed and walked across the carpeted floor. His stomach had been grumbling in protest, too. 

The regret is instantaneous when he realises it’s Jongin, and not Mr. Jung who was standing at his door. 

Seemingly oblivious to Kyungsoo’s annoyance, Jongin puts on a more genuine smile which makes his heart ache. It reminds him too much of a past once forgotten. “Good evening, Master Kyungsoo. I hope I have not intruded upon anything.”

Fortunately for Jongin, Kyungsoo is much too tired to actually put up a fight. “No, not at all, Kai. Is there anything you needed from me? It’s almost midnight.”

Kyungsoo watches as Jongin flinches from guilt at the reminder—no servant should be disturbing their master at this time of the night, that much is certain. Jongin doesn’t have to know that Kyungsoo is a lot more lax with the rules around the mansion than his father is, or that Kyungsoo doesn’t actually care if his servants want to talk to him like friends do. 

“Can we... I don’t know, talk or something?” Jongin rubs the back of his neck, a sure sign that he’s being nervous. He hasn’t shaken off the habit even after all these years, but Kyungsoo hates himself for remembering such a minor detail. 

Kyungsoo crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe, looking at Jongin expectantly. “About? Is there something you didn’t get regarding my schedule tomorrow?”

“No—” Jongin starts with a tone too high, winces, then tries again. “I mean, no. I just wanted to talk. Idle chit-chatting. If I’m not being a bother, that is.” The taller man stands there awkwardly for a second longer, before he sighs and steps away from the doorway. “Never mind. I’ll just go. Sorry for disturbing you. Good—”

“I didn’t even say no,” Kyungsoo says at the exact moment Jongin’s about to turn to leave, and the way Jongin firmly plants his feet on the ground and nearly loses his balance from the inertia makes him want to laugh. Kyungsoo heaves a sigh, wondering why he still has such a soft spot for Jongin. “Come on in. I have time, since I’m not expected to be in the office till noon.”

Jongin positively lights up like a puppy who has been given a new toy, and steps into Kyungsoo’s room, following him to the twin armchairs placed beside the window. He’s the epitome of well-mannered as he takes a seat in one of the chairs, hands folded neatly on his lap and back ramrod straight as he waits for Kyungsoo to do the same. It’s such a far cry from the Jongin Kyungsoo used to know back in the army, so laidback and carefree. In contrast, the man who’s seated across him right now is strictly adherent to decorum, serious and uptight. 

Perhaps the nature of the job is getting to him. Perhaps it’s the environment. Either way, Kyungsoo prefers it like this. Less of a risk for complications.

But then the tense silence settles in, and suddenly Kyungsoo’s bedroom feels all too chilly and too warm at the same time. He’s not used to having someone who’s not Mr. Jung lounging around in here, since the other househelp are usually too shy to stay or to engage in active conversation with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo isn’t one to be extremely sociable, either, so he has never found any cause for complaint. Until now. 

He hates that Jongin is making him feel this way, just by being present in the confines of Kyungsoo’s bedroom. 

“So, what did you want to talk to me about, Kai?” Kyungsoo asks, breaking the silence when it doesn’t seem as though Jongin is going to say anything. 

Jongin, who has been fiddling with fingers with his eyes downcast, immediately looks up with an alarmed expression, as though forgetting why he was there in the first place. Absolutely un-bodyguard-like, if Kyungsoo must say, even if he knows Jongin has been sent here because he’s one of the best in his agency. It’s part of his father’s request—either they gave him the best candidate possible, or none at all. Mr. Jung had told Kyungsoo regarding his father’s strict selection process at the mansion itself while Kyungsoo was still cooped up in the hospital, involving several candidates from a few different agencies, and had ended up picking Jongin from the lot. 

It’s sort of impressive, even if Kyungsoo hasn’t had the opportunity to watch Jongin in action. But of course, Jongin had proved himself to be quick at picking up his self-defence and firearms classes back in military camp, and Kyungsoo was able to witness it. 

"How's your arm?" The question comes, and Kyungsoo kind of wants to groan aloud. It's clear that this isn't what Jongin is here for; he could have asked Kyungsoo the question at any given time of the day—in front of Kyungsoo's driver and househelp, too. But of course, Kyungsoo also knows this is Jongin's way of easing into the main topic of the evening. He has the tendency to beat around the bush while conversing with someone he perceives as a stranger; Kyungsoo has had a taste of it in the past. 

It tastes bitter on his tongue now, though. 

"Fine. It hurts sometimes, but at least it's better than having something weighing me down constantly," Kyungsoo answers, cradling his right arm absently. The cast has been removed two weeks ago, and the reduction of his muscle bulk on the fractured arm is obvious when his arms are side by side. He's been diligently undergoing physiotherapy to strengthen them once again though, and he tells this to Jongin, who nods quietly in understanding. 

“I heard that’s the reason behind your father’s decision to hire a bodyguard for you. The kidnapping, I mean.”

“Yeah, it is. I wouldn’t have wanted one otherwise,” Kyungsoo explains, though he corrects himself when he remembers the conversation which had taken place between him and his parents at the hospital. “Actually, I _still_ didn’t want one after the incident. My father insisted, or I would end up getting disowned.” 

Okay, so maybe his father didn’t explicitly say it, but Kyungsoo’s _sure_ their conversation would head down that direction if he had continued to refuse. Just like rivals in a game of chess, it’s almost too easy for Kyungsoo to read his father’s next move now and vice versa. It’s only a matter of _who_ will outsmart the other in the end to win the game, or perhaps end it in a stalemate. Kyungsoo has the upper hand so far, and he’s keen on keeping things that way. 

“How did you get that injury, anyway?” Jongin asks again. “I mean I know you were kidnapped and all, but—”

At this point, Kyungsoo loses all of his patience. He really doesn’t want to recall the traumatising events during his kidnapping; it makes his arm throb even worse. Jongin ought not to have asked. “Kai—” he breathes, silently commending himself for not calling Jongin by his birth name. All his effort at pretending that he didn’t know Jongin from before would otherwise have been for naught. “—what are you really here for? You and I both know it’s definitely not for idle chit-chat.”

"I—" Jongin starts, swallowing hesitantly as he seemingly engages in a silent battle with himself, probably deciding if he should go ahead and ask Kyungsoo the questions which are in his mind. "I have to be honest with you. You remind me of someone I knew intimately in the past, and it's been driving me insane ever since the first time I met you."

Kyungsoo does his level best not to cringe at Jongin's words. _That_ is another topic he doesn’t want to recall—the bitterness of ending their relationship without proper closure is still fresh in his mind, and Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’ll ever get over it. 

“Really.” He deadpans instead, forcing himself to maintain a relaxed posture as he waits for Jongin to continue. “That’s the first time anyone has told me anything of the sort.” 

“Yeah, well,” Jongin smiles shyly, and Kyungsoo really doesn’t understand how one man can have two such contrasting sides to himself. Jongin is usually serious while at work, but out of it, he’s like... _this_. Curling into himself and making him look smaller than he really is. It's at times like these that Kyungsoo remembers with a start how he's actually older than Jongin. "You really do. I met this person during my military service. He was the most misunderstood person ever, but I ended up falling for him because he's actually really caring—"

That's the last straw for Kyungsoo. Seeing Jongin sitting across him with a silly smile on his face, not knowing that the person he's hurt is sitting right in front of him, is almost too much to take. 

Kyungsoo absolutely cannot hold his tongue back when he snaps at Jongin. "But you didn't even have the courage or decency to tell him you wanted to end the relationship, did you?” 

There’s confusion on Jongin’s face when he whips around to look at Kyungsoo, the happiness which was written on his face completely wiped off by now. “Master Kyungsoo, what—”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Kyungsoo’s relentless. “You couldn’t even bid a proper ‘goodbye’ so Seo Kyungshin.” 

Jongin’s jaw hangs wide open at the mention of the name. Kyungsoo realises belatedly that he’d blown his own cover, especially when Jongin has never mentioned the name of this _Kyungshin_ person in full, but it’s too late to take anything back right now. 

Instead, Kyungsoo points at the door with an angry finger, eyes not meeting Jongin’s as he orders, “Get out. Our conversation is over for tonight.” 

What he doesn’t expect, though, is for Jongin to comply without putting up a fight, even when he can feel Jongin’s burning gaze on him for at least a full minute before his door finally clicks shut. Kyungsoo can’t be more grateful for the deafening silence that immediately settles in after Jongin is gone, bringing with it a chill that runs bone-deep.

 

☆彡

 

For several days after the indirect revelation that Do Kyungsoo and Seo Kyungshin are one and the same person, Kyungsoo actually waited to see if Jongin acted any differently around him. In fact, he actually expected for Jongin to submit an application to his agency for someone else to replace him. After all, there’s nothing more awkward than working as the bodyguard of your ex whom you didn’t even break up with properly. 

On the contrary, Jongin stuck around steadfastly, chin held high and expressions serious as he did his job. He still greets Kyungsoo in the morning and before they part ways at the end of the day, but says no more than that, probably sensing that Kyungsoo’s still livid with him. Even better. 

Then again, Kyungsoo wishes he could be more oblivious to the way Jongin would look at him longingly when he thinks Kyungsoo isn’t looking. It’s uncomfortable in a familiar way, and Kyungsoo doesn’t _want_ it. 

Jongin begins accompanying Kyungsoo to his board meetings soon after the fight, though—under Kyungsoo’s father’s orders, or so Jongin had told him with a too-straight face when Kyungsoo had asked. Of course, Kyungsoo hadn't taken to questioning his own father about the authenticity of the order; it would merely invite his wrath if it were true, because _how dare you question me for something that concerns your safety?_ Kyungsoo would rather spare himself of the torture of having his father chew his ear off for it—or worse, do it right in front of Jongin and the rest of their household's servants. He has absolutely no qualms in embarrassing Kyungsoo in order to make himself look more superior in front of others, and that's what Kyungsoo hates the most about his father.

He shouldn't expect any less of the person who would go through the most callous of means in order to make his business prosper. It's how his father had run the other smaller rivals out of business all those years ago. Kyungsoo vows never to head down the same path as his father did. If he needs to run a business, he's going to do it with integrity and earn the respect he deserves. 

Kyungsoo’s father is against this mindset of his, of course, but he’s no longer surprised. Kyungsoo doesn’t tell his father of the times his mother had quietly pleaded with him to not be as heartless as the man she had ended up marrying. Kyungsoo has vowed not to.

Nevertheless, there are times when Kyungsoo would almost break his vow to his mother, to himself. This is one of such times, when Kyungsoo finds himself seated at the head of the board table on a stifling summer afternoon, clenching his jaw subtly as the board members continue to throw question after question at him about the latest project he was overseeing. His father, as usual, is blissfully absent from such meetings, with the excuse that Kyungsoo should learn how to deal with these men all on his own because he would end up taking over the company in the future anyway. 

“What is your concrete plan for the buy-out, Kyungsoo? You can’t possibly be thinking that it’s going to be smooth sailing all the way. Gungshin is not a small company, by any means,” the man who’s seated three seats down his left speaks up, adding on to his headache. 

He’s been a stockholder of the company for the last three decades, and major decisions _must_ receive his blessings or they can forget about it. Kyungsoo has never learned of the rationale of allowing someone who doesn’t even run the company personally to have such an immense amount of power over DongA’s business decisions and directions, but he supposes his father needed to keep the cash flowing in. A buyoff of sorts. 

But buying out Gungshin is one of Kyungsoo’s main plans for the coming year. The company has been facing financial difficulties as of late, even if they’re one of the biggest names in electrical appliances. There is increasing preference amongst their fellow countrymen for online shopping, as well as purchasing cheaper alternatives from China. It doesn’t even matter to them that Gungshin offers high quality appliances which could last them for years, rather than having to replace them every couple of months. It’s _cheap_ , and that’s all that matters when the country’s economical situation is on a decline. Gungshin has tried numerous methods to appeal to the public again, but there’s no way they could lower their prices any further than they already have. They’d run themselves into bankruptcy if it continues, and out of desperation, the company’s CEO had turned to Kyungsoo for help. The offer is tempting, and Kyungsoo has the perfect plan to sustain its lineup of products without dealing a heavy blow to DongA’s own finances. 

But he can’t possibly let the latter part of his plans be known to the world, not yet. He knows it’s still flawed in many ways, and he’s working on fixing them, but the buyout needs to happen first. He can’t have them going bankrupt on him before he can even make a move. Everything else can be implemented slowly. 

_I need you to trust in me_ , Kyungsoo wants to say, but it’s akin to asking for a miracle to happen. Instead, Kyungsoo takes a deep breath to compose himself and looks at the man. “I’m trying. I can only assure you that the plans are there, but it needs refinement. I have talked to my father, and he is supportive of the buyout.”

Needless to say, the man has another retort on his tongue. “Your father can afford to invest blind faith in you because you are his son. We _can’t_ because our money is in your hands,” he seethes, and Kyungsoo tries his hardest to not roll his eyes at the man. Respect for the elderly comes first, no matter how poorly treated he is by them. 

"I cannot possibly design a plan that spans several years down the line, without the reassurance or the reality that Gungshin is already under our wing," Kyungsoo says as calmly as possible, hoping that his poker face is working perfectly well right now. He _has_ the confidence of making this buyout work, and he _has_ the confidence to expand Gungshin further with them under DongA's wing, but the board of directors' constant doubting of him is making that confidence a little shaky, if not grating on his nerves. "Please, all I ask is for a little more time. I will be sure to address this issue fully once everything has been set in stone." 

"Time is money in the business sector, Kyungsoo. I'm sure you should understand as much, since you graduated _summa cum laude_ in your degree." The man says again, though something in his voice irks Kyungsoo greatly. There's mockery in the man's tone, and Kyungsoo's suspicions are further confirmed when he smirks and asks, "Or did you buy that with your convenient little fortune, too?"

For a brief moment, Kyungsoo feels faint at the accusation, the blood rushing to his head so quickly that it makes him nauseous. It's not the first time Kyungsoo has heard of someone accusing him as such, of using his family's fortune to buy his way through university and get himself a prestigious degree without trying. He's gotten that plenty of times after graduating, once he's been introduced as the next-in-line to helm the DongA conglomerate. Suddenly all the effort he's put into getting that degree doesn't even matter any longer. Suddenly what matters most to the superficial world out there is his famous surname and the massive fortune belying it. Suddenly Kyungsoo isn't _Kyungsoo_ any more. 

Before he could lash out at the man for his remark which was uncalled for, someone else beats him to it. "I apologise; I know it is not my place to be interrupting, but I can't possibly stay silent any longer at this exchange," the new voice says, and it takes Kyungsoo several long moments to process it. 

And when he _finally_ realises who was the one who'd spoken, Kyungsoo's eyes went very wide, immediately swerving around in his seat to regard the person who's standing behind him. 

Jongin is the epitome of handsome confidence, chin raised as he regards the rest of the room with his cold gaze. "You don't even know half the amount of effort the Young Master puts into every night, trying to do his best for the company. Who are you to accuse him of not putting in the hard work, of using his inheritance to buy his way through everything?" 

For a brief moment, Kyungsoo's actually taken aback by Jongin's readiness to defend him, even though Kyungsoo has been giving him the cold shoulder ever since he divulged the fact that he was Seo Kyungshin, the man Jongin had dated and dumped unceremoniously back while they were both still serving their compulsory military service. If anything, Jongin should have been the last person who would stand up and defend Kyungsoo, but here he is, anyway, speaking up against a room of terribly powerful, terribly rich men he barely even knew. The shy, introverted Jongin whom Kyungsoo once knew is gone without a trace. He can’t say he’s not intrigued; confidence is a deadly trait to possess, especially for someone as attractive as Jongin. 

Nevertheless, the mocking scoff from the main investor is almost expected, and Kyungsoo isn’t at all surprised when the sound pierces through the tense silence of the room. "And you think you have the right to speak up in this room, why? You’re nothing more than a bodyguard. A _servant_ who lives off _our_ money—”

At this, Kyungsoo loses his cool. He slams a hand on the table to get their attention, and there’s a sense of satisfaction bubbling within him when he sees the rest of the room straightening themselves in their seats. The expressions which greet him are tense, _displeased_ , but it’s nothing Kyungsoo has never had to face. He’s just glad he can’t see Jongin’s expressions right now. He can’t imagine how terrible Jongin must feel, if Kyungsoo himself feels insulted on his behalf.

“Him being a bodyguard isn’t a free pass for you to insult him as you please. It is not an undignified profession,” Kyungsoo hisses through clenched teeth, making sure the rest of the room understands his stance on this matter. “Does it kill you to respect another human being without first taking into consideration their social standing?”

“You are terribly young in this world, and it shows,” another man says, seemingly oblivious to Kyungsoo’s simmering rage—or perhaps he doesn’t even care. It’s likely the latter, though, when he smirks at Jongin’s direction and adds, “A servant is still a servant. Nothing is going to change that fact.” 

It takes all of Kyungsoo’s effort to not yell at the room or call them fucking assholes. It’s clear that they’re not listening to anything Kyungsoo’s trying to say. “A human being is just that—a _human_ , just like the rest of you. You’re nothing once you’re reduced to ashes and bones. No money, _nothing_.”

Nevertheless, he knows he’s wasting his time trying to talk sense into this bunch of condescending old men, when someone else tries to retort, probably with something even more insulting than the last. This is a room filled with men who have never lived a day of their lives being poor, or having any less money than they have in their possessions right now. They’ll never understand what it means to be humane, to care about someone else genuinely. 

“Forget it. I will not deign to remain in this room any longer with the likes of you. Neither will Kai,” Kyungsoo stands up and announces, before marching right out of the board room. He hears the uproar following his disrespectful behaviour, but all that is silenced the moment the heavy mahogany double doors slam shut behind him. 

It’s then that Kyungsoo can finally _breathe_ , and he takes in huge gulps of air, almost as though he’d been close to suffocating in that board room up till moments ago. He doesn’t think it’s too far from the truth. It helps that he can rip off the necktie constricting around his neck, since there's no one around to judge him for his unsightly actions. 

_A member of the upper echelon of society must always maintain their prim image to the world_ , his father had once told him. _Even at the expense of your own comfort and identity._ What a load of bullshit. He never understood why it was necessary to be someone they're not, when they're not even celebrities to begin with. The mere thought of it makes Kyungsoo punch the lift button out of frustration. Not even the sting manages to distract him from his thoughts. 

The lift is blissfully empty when it opens up on Kyungsoo's floor moments later, and Kyungsoo heaves a sigh of relief as he enters it. The last thing he needs is for another employee to ask about his foul mood—something which Kyungsoo really doesn’t want to answer—because his self-restraint will surely crumble and it will surely set him off. Hardly something Kyungsoo wants to happen, when he's already so high-strung. 

A sharp intake of breath soon follows, however, when he raises his gaze and finds Jongin in the lift together with him. Honestly speaking, though, he really shouldn’t be surprised by Jongin’s presence in the lift with him. Jongin _is_ , after all, his bodyguard, and it only makes perfect sense for him to follow Kyungsoo out of the meeting room instead of staying behind, even if he knows that staying in one enclosed vessel with Kyungsoo would make the entire situation completely awkward. 

Jongin merely flashes him a wry smile when their eyes meet briefly, before pressing a button for the lift to take them to the ground floor, then the one for the metal doors to slide shut. Jongin’s gaze remains on the carpeted floor beneath his polished leather shoes for the remainder of their trip down, while Kyungsoo finds his own eyes transfixed on the taller man beside him. Jongin is curling into himself this time, making himself look a lot smaller than he really is. For once, Kyungsoo can see traces of the shy Jongin he used to know. 

It feels nostalgic, but it also makes his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. So many years have passed them by. So many missed opportunities—opportunities which they may never find ever again. 

“Why did you speak up for me during the meeting?” Kyungsoo asks with a sigh just as the elevator doors ping open at the lobby. Normally, Kyungsoo would make a beeline for the main entrance, preferring to minimise the amount of interactions between himself and other snobbier members of the company who seem to love looking down upon his ability to manage the conglomerate. Today, however, he slows down his pace and takes his time walking, knowing that his stormy expression is enough of a deterrent for anyone to talk to him at all. It's the best shot at a private conversation with Jongin, away from his driver's prying ears. “You didn’t have to, you know.” 

Jongin must have nearly bumped into his back, if the tiny, surprised gap is anything to go by. He’s probably already used to rushing after Kyungsoo upon exiting the elevator, so much that Kyungsoo’s new pace this evening throws him off. Being able to catch Jongin offguard pleases Kyungsoo somewhat, no matter how juvenile the thought may be. 

Nevertheless, Jongin seems to have gained a bit of courage from Kyungsoo’s subtle invitation, and quickly falls in step with Kyungsoo instead of following behind him like he usually does. From the corner of Kyungsoo’s eyes, he can see the small, pleased smile on Jongin’s lips. He's probably gratified by the thought that he'd just stood up to a room of insanely rich men. Not many people in the country has that opportunity, or the guts to do so.

"I wanted to," Jongin shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets. A laid-back gesture, as far as Jongin is concerned. He hasn't changed much over the years, and Kyungsoo's not sure if he hates himself for remembering these tiny details. He was supposed to have moved on from that relationship. Before Kyungsoo can beat himself up for it, Jongin interrupts his train of thoughts by speaking up again. "It's not fair for them to gang up on you like that, not when they don't even know how hard you're working behind the scenes, or how little you've been sleeping because of this buyout project. Not when they don't even know how much shit you get from your own father." 

Trust Jongin to always put Kyungsoo's welfare above his own; Kyungsoo wonders why he still finds the need to do so, especially considering the amount of shit Kyungsoo has been giving him in the past weeks. Despite it all, though, Jongin's thoughtfulness warms his heart, even if it also makes Kyungsoo wonder how Jongin had found out about the all-nighters he's been pulling to work on his proposal. For knowing the amount of shit Kyungsoo's father gave him for the outrageous suggestion, not so; it would be a _miracle_ if his father gave him a free pass to do anything he pleases without uttering a single word about the project. 

“It’s nothing I’ve never experienced before,” Kyungsoo shrugs, unaffected. “Used to be worse, before you started having to join in on our meetings. They’ve toned down a considerable lot.” 

Jongin scrunches his nose—almost cutely; _almost_ —in response. “It still doesn’t sit well with me. Who gave them the right to speak to another person in such a condescending manner? Like other people don't even matter?" He says, his emotions getting the better of him towards the end, but he manages to compose himself by taking a deep breath and letting it go. Now that Kyungsoo thought about it, Jongin is a lot calmer than he used to be. It's a good, impressive improvement. "Anyway, you stood up for me too, so. I guess we're even.” 

"Like you said, I can't stand people like them who think they're better than everyone else," he smiles. "Are you not mad at me for blowing up at you the other night, though? For lying about my identity in the first place?" 

The regret instantly bubbles up within him the moment the words leave his mouth, especially when Kyungsoo hasn't even prepared himself for the possible answers which he may elicit from Jongin. His feelings of regret is amplified when he catches the look on Jongin's face—the easy smile is gone now, replaced by tenseness around the corners of his mouth, and the awkward atmosphere is back in a flash. 

Kyungsoo knows he's somewhat of a coward, but he's thankful when they arrive at the main entrance of the lobby, where his driver is waiting for them in the car. With an extra person between them, they can return to their roles as Kyungsoo, the young master of the Do household, and Kai, the bodyguard, and their previous conversation will hopefully be forgotten by the end of their ride home. 

Jongin clearly understands this too, when he gives a respectful bow as Kyungsoo enters the vehicle, his eyes transfixed on the ground below his feet instead of looking at Kyungsoo like he usually does. When Kyungsoo’s driver shuts the door once he’s settled in, Jongin automatically goes up to the front and straps himself in too. Again, Jongin keeps his eyes on the view outside the window instead of the rearview mirror, deviating from his norm.

Somehow, it leaves a bitter aftertaste on Kyungsoo’s tongue.

 

☆彡

 

After what he had done at the meeting the other day, incurring his father’s wrath is a given, and Kyungsoo is fully prepared for the aftermath of it. Insults of his intelligence is sure to come, along with mocking words about his lack of what it takes to be the successor of the DongA group, how his missing brother Seungsoo would have been a much better choice than him even now, how he will never match up to Seungsoo. Only because Kyungsoo has a mind of his own and refuses to blindly follow his father’s wishes. 

What he _isn’t_ prepared for, though, is the way his father strikes him across the cheek with an open palm the moment Kyungsoo admits to the incident. 

For all the scolding and insults his father has been dealing him in the last two years, his old man has never once raised a hand at Kyungsoo, nor did he ever result to physical violence. Emotional abuse has always been his choice of weapon when it comes to Kyungsoo, only because Kyungsoo has never been bothered by physical pain. His willingness to go through the full training during his compulsory military service is enough proof of that. 

It’s why Kyungsoo finds himself clutching his cheek in shock when his father _does_ slap him for talking back to their investors and for ending the meeting prematurely. He holds his face long enough for the stinging warmth to gradually fade, leaving behind nothing but protracted numbness. Even then, Kyungsoo isn’t quite sure if the numbness is the result of his nerve endings reacting to the slap, or if it’s his inner self’s immense disappointment at his father’s actions. 

Evidently, the investors were extremely displeased with Kyungsoo’s behaviour the other evening, if the news has travelled to Kyungsoo’s father’s ears so quickly. But here’s the thing: Kyungsoo will _never_ admit it’s a mistake on his part. He’s just not sure why he’s feeling disappointed at his father for siding with outsiders instead of his own flesh and blood; he should have known his father’s true personality by now. 

“Is this how you treat your own son?” Kyungsoo challenges with a calm intonation once he’s sure he’s composed enough, though he sounds detached even to his own ears. He’s also trying hard not to glare at his own father, though more out of fear of divine retribution than true respect. He’s quickly learning that he’s losing respect for his own father by the day. “You’d rather physically hit me to release your anger than try to understand what had happened during the meeting?” 

He knows his words are nowhere near polite, but it’s the cold, hard truth. Kyungsoo’s father had summoned him to the study, and slapped him right across the cheek immediately after Kyungsoo had greeted him. No questions asked, no explanations demanded. He feels like he’s being treated worse than a suspect in the court of law.

“I did not raise you to be this disobedient!” His father snaps back. Kyungsoo involuntarily flinches at his intonation, but he straightens himself almost immediately, absolutely refusing to back down. 

“You raised me and taught me to always stand my ground for what I think is right, Father. You also taught me to never lose sight of my own principles,” Kyungsoo reminds him; judging by the way his father pales before turning a livid, embarrassed shade of red, he certainly remembers it too. “So which is it?”

As always, his father decides to deflect the obvious challenge coming from Kyungsoo instead of facing it head on—though this time, he seems determined to not let that earlier slap be a one-off incident. The moment his father raises his hand once again, Kyungsoo braces himself for yet another incoming hit across his cheek by closing his eyes and raising his chin in a dignified manner. He refuses to let his father gain satisfaction from the idea that Kyungsoo can be beaten into submission, because Kyungsoo’s willpower is much stronger than that. His stubbornness comes from his father; the man should know it all too well, if he hasn’t conveniently forgotten about it. 

However, Kyungsoo is jolted into attention moments later—not because of the erratic firing of his nerve endings as a result of his father’s slap, but because he finds himself being yanked _backwards_ , out of his father’s reach. It takes a longer moment for him to regain his full bearings on the situation, not until when his father yells out an indignant, "What is the meaning of this?!" 

That’s when Kyungsoo finds Jongin—it’s impossible for Kyungsoo to not recognise the broad expanse of his back, oh-so-incredibly familiar to him even after all these years—standing before him, making full use of his towering height to stare down at Kyungsoo's father. And Kyungsoo is _definitely_ surprised by his appearance for a long moment, wondering how it was possible for Jongin to gain access to the study, before he remembers he'd left the door ajar when he had entered earlier. Then again, he definitely didn’t expect Jongin to appear in this room, especially when he hadn’t told Jongin where he was going upon returning from their brief shopping trip earlier. 

“I am the Young Master’s bodyguard, and it is my task to protect him no matter what. There is no clause in the contract prohibiting me from guarding him even in his own home, against his own family members,” Jongin tells Kyungsoo’s father calmly, professionally. If it weren’t for the tense situation between himself and his father, Kyungsoo would have laughed aloud. Who knew his father could have missed such a loophole, and who could have known that Jongin would use this to his full advantage? 

But that's not all Jongin had to say about the situation, even in the face of Kyungsoo's father's obvious wrath. “Besides, the Young Master got into this mess because of me, because he was _defending me_ , and this is through no fault of his own. So god help me if I refuse to do this for him at the very least.” 

Jongin’s words catch Kyungsoo by surprise again—does Jongin ever run out of things to surprise him with?—because he simply wasn’t expecting them. Jongin could have insisted that it was his job as a bodyguard to protect Kyungsoo and nothing else, but he went the extra mile in confessing that the whole mess began with _himself_ , effectively taking most of the blame off Kyungsoo. It would possibly cost him his job, but at this point of time, it didn’t seem like Jongin cared all that much. 

Has he gotten sick of the rich men’s society already?

"Step aside," Kyungsoo's father warns, hissing through clenched teeth. "Are you not afraid of losing your job?" 

"This _is_ my job," Jongin reminds him without flinching, still shielding Kyungsoo from view. "It would seem that I'd stand a higher chance at losing it if I don't do a thing." 

The tense standoff continues between Jongin and Kyungsoo's father, with Kyungsoo being entirely reluctant to make a sound—not because he's afraid, but because he doesn't want the issue to escalate any further. If the latter ever happens, _then_ Jongin would be in a great deal of trouble; Kyungsoo's father would go through great lengths to demonise Jongin in front of his employer, and that would effectively ensure the end of Jongin's career path as a bodyguard. Kyungsoo wouldn't be able to live it down if the situation boils down to that stage. 

After all, Jongin has proved himself time and again to be incredibly responsible and dependable. Kyungsoo can’t possibly let that happen to someone so kind. 

In the end, Kyungsoo assumes it’s a victory on Jongin’s part when his father heaves a loud sigh of frustration and points at the door with a trembling finger. His anger remains palpable in the air. “Get out of my sight. _Both of you_.”

Jongin, ever respectful with his actions, bows at Kyungsoo’s father as he takes his leave, even when the dismissal was nowhere near polite on the latter’s part. It’s a trait unlikely to ever change, ingrained in Kyungsoo’s father’s personality and many others of Kyungsoo’s social caste alike—unless, of course, money is involved in the equation. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, stiffly nods his head at his father in acknowledgement, before quickly taking his leave from the study. 

Kyungsoo is finally able to relax the moment he steps out of the room, away from his father's oppressive presence. Instead of walking ahead of Jongin like he usually does, though, he maintains a companionable distance between them both, albeit rather silent on the most part. Jongin only speaks up when they're about to arrive at Kyungsoo's room, breaking away from the path to grab a packet of ice from the kitchen—but not before promising Kyungsoo that he'll meet him in Kyungsoo's bedroom. Normally, Kyungsoo would vehemently prohibit Jongin from even setting foot past the door, but today, he merely nods at Jongin with a tired smile, then trudges all the way back to his room alone. 

Jongin appears in his room soon after Kyungsoo throws himself onto the sofa, lying spinelessly on it with his head draped over the backrest and his arms spread eagle on either side. Nevertheless, Kyungsoo wasn't alerted of Jongin's presence until the promised packet of ice is pressed against his sore cheek, causing Kyungsoo to almost leap off the sofa from the cold surprise. Kyungsoo finds himself cursing under his breath at Jongin's propensity to walk around soundlessly, glaring at Jongin who's currently laughing heartily at his reaction. 

Jongin doesn't shut up until Kyungsoo stomps on his foot. Juvenile, but effective. 

"Stop laughing at my misery," Kyungsoo says glumly as he gestures at Jongin to let him take over the ice pack. "Give me that, I can do it myself."

He should have expected Jongin to be stubborn about it, though, when Jongin shakes his head in refusal. "No, I'll do it. I kind of caused this," he insists, though his actions become a lot more gentle—as does his gaze on Kyungsoo. That's when Kyungsoo notices the close proximity between their bodies, and he shifts around uncomfortably in his seat, clearing his throat in embarrassment. It's bringing back his old memories of being with Jongin in the past, and he's not exactly very thrilled with his own thoughts at this particular moment. 

"You didn't have to get involved in my argument with my father, you know. I could have handled it on my own. I'm not a damsel in distress," Kyungsoo mumbles, decidedly avoiding Jongin's gaze. It feels searing hot on his skin, and suddenly the ice pack isn't unbearably cold any longer. Then, softly, Kyungsoo adds, "You could have lost your job." 

"I don't think you're a damsel at all. You've always been able to stand up for yourself. This just happens to fall under my job scope of protecting you, so," Jongin shrugs, but his eyes are still transfixed upon the sore spot on Kyungsoo's cheek. Kyungsoo can't help but wonder how bad it is, though he knows it's _definitely_ swollen. The throbbing pain hasn't really dulled since the ice therapy had begun. "I would have quit the job if I couldn't even stop your father from hitting you again. I couldn't keep quiet. That was really uncalled for." 

Kyungsoo finds himself laughing self-deprecatingly at Jongin's words. "He's my father. He has all the right to hit me if he wishes to. I just happen to be his least favourite son, who can't conform to his ideals. I'm nothing like my brother."

"Stop it," Jongin pauses in the middle of nursing Kyungsoo's cheek to glare at him disapprovingly. "It's not your fault. Your father treats you like shit, and it doesn't take an outsider to see it. What's wrong with having a personality of your own, instead of fitting into a pre-formed mould your father expects you to walk into? That’s not the Kyungsoo I used to know. You’d never _conform_ to ridiculous rules. You’d never give in if it goes against your principles. Or am I wrong about that? Did I fall in love with the wrong person in the past?”

Kyungsoo’s cheeks burn at the sound of the word _love_ coming out of Jongin’s lips. It’s been years since he last heard it, but it has the exact same effect as it did in the past. His heart is thundering in his chest, and he struggles hard to not turn to look at Jongin. He’s afraid of what he might find written on Jongin’s expressions—regret, disappointment, _disgust_. 

"A lot has changed. You never know," Kyungsoo tells him, voice suddenly small. He hates how unsure he becomes when he's with Jongin, when he's usually the most confident person around, never backing down even when challenged up front. But he can never be sure if Jongin's still pissed at him for concealing his identity in the past—or if he ever was pissed at him at all. He's difficult to read sometimes. 

"I believe you haven't changed at all. I _know_ you have not changed," Jongin stresses. He has long since stopped nursing Kyungsoo's swollen cheek with the ice pack. His hand is suspended between them, frosty water dripping from the towel and staining Kyungsoo's slacks. It spreads, little by little, its chill seeping deep into Kyungsoo's bones. 

Kyungsoo shivers involuntarily. "How sure can you be?" 

Beside him, Jongin exhales frustratedly. The sofa shifts under his weight when Jongin moves, dumping the melted pack of ice onto the coffee table in front of them. Suddenly, the heat of his gaze is lifted off Kyungsoo's skin, leaving Kyungsoo with a mixture of relief and disappointment. He hates to admit it, but the latter emotion reigns supreme. When Kyungsoo finally dares to chance a look in Jongin's direction, he finds that he hates it even more to know that the look of anguish on Jongin's face is caused by his own hands. 

It almost feels as though an eternity had passed them by, before Jongin finally manages to rearrange his thoughts. Kyungsoo watches him curiously as Jongin slumps into the cushion—the first time he has ever abandoned his usually uptight and well put-together exterior, ever since he'd started working as Kyungsoo's bodyguard. It reminds Kyungsoo a little more of the Jongin he used to know, carefree and extremely receptive to touches. He feels fond, somehow. 

"Do you remember the questions you asked me a couple of days ago? If I was upset at you for blowing up at me? For fooling me with an assumed identity while we were serving the military together?" Jongin asks, taking Kyungsoo by surprise. He wasn't expecting Jongin to change the subject at all. 

"Well... yeah," Kyungsoo nods slowly. His hand absently cups his own cheek, wincing a little when he feels the sting from where his father had slapped him earlier. "I thought you didn't want to answer me."

"You didn't exactly give me a chance to answer," Jongin says in a deadpan tone, shooting Kyungsoo a brief, withering glance before turning his gaze upon the ceiling once again. "But on both accounts: no. I wasn't upset that you blew up at me, because I know it was my fault for leaving without saying a word. Without giving you a proper explanation. And no, I'm not angry that you assumed the identity of Seo Kyungshin. Surprised, yes, but not entirely unreasonable, now that I know you're actually the second son of the largest conglomerate in South Korea." 

A sigh, then, "I left without saying a word because I _couldn't_. I was recruited into the covert ops team, and the dangers associated with that position is something I couldn't possibly put you through. I had to keep it under tight wraps, or the lives of my loved ones would be at stake. Including yours."

 _This_ is Jongin. Always so selfless, always putting the rest above himself, even at the expense of his own happiness. This part of him has never changed. 

Kyungsoo finds himself scrunching his nose at Jongin's answer, not knowing what else to say. The last of the resentment he's held for Jongin all this years dissipates without a trace, and guilt takes its place instead. They both had circumstances which pushed them to lie about themselves, yet Jongin came out as the better person for not getting angry at Kyungsoo at all. "Stop putting all the blame on yourself. I'm at fault too, you know. If I hadn't insisted on joining the army under a fake identity, none of this would have happened." 

"If you hadn't joined the army under a fake identity, I wouldn't have been able to meet you," Jongin corrects him, sitting up straight and looking at Kyungsoo dead in the eye. The effect is instant—Kyungsoo's cheeks burn up even more than before, and his head spins from the speed at which his heart is pounding against his chest. It's dizzying, a sensation both foreign and familiar at the same time, and Kyungsoo finds himself licking at his parched lips to give them a bit of moisture. He's not oblivious to the way Jongin's eyes dart down to catch the motion, though it only serves to amplify the sensations he's feeling within, pushing him to feverish heights. "If I hadn't met you, I probably wouldn't have fallen so deeply in love with you. And that is one thing I will never regret, no matter what happens." 

“Jongin, what—”

“I’ve never stopped loving you, Kyungsoo,” Jongin continues with a low voice before Kyungsoo can even finish his sentence, though his confession effectively stuns Kyungsoo into complete silence. He knows how he must look right now, eyes wide with bewilderment and cheeks stained bright red, and Jongin is sure to tease him some other time if he ever remembers. Right now, though, the only thing Kyungsoo can think about is how blank his mind actually is, how Jongin is gradually inching closer to him. "Do you still feel the same way about me?" 

"I—" Kyungsoo stutters, before noticing that their faces are mere inches apart. If he wanted to close the distance between their lips, he could, but his mind chooses that particular moment to sober up. 

He manages to catch a glimpse of Jongin's disappointment when he leans away from Jongin and clears his throat. He thinks his own heart resonates with that disappointment, if the dull ache coming from the direction of his chest is any indication of it. "Jongin, I need time to sort out things out." 

The cushion of the sofa bounces a little as Jongin gracefully lifts his weight off it. "I understand. I'm sorry for imposing on you. Good night, Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo can't exactly remember if he's been breathing right for the last couple of minutes, though he's definitely taken aback when his breath comes out in a rush the moment Jongin closes the door shut behind him. It's followed by an abnormally intense hunger for air, which Kyungsoo takes into his lungs in deep inhales, leaving him heaving and coughing by the end of it. Once he's certain that he's not going to pass out from the lack of oxygen in his bloodstream, Kyungsoo crumples onto the sofa, feeling extremely drained by the exchange between him and Jongin. 

All things considered, Jongin’s confession is the last thing Kyungsoo had ever expected coming from him. He’s torn between confusion and wanting to feel happy, but then he thinks about his father and his wish for grandchildren, and deflates again. It’s highly impossible that his father would accept him for who he is, for liking men instead of women like what’s expected of him by society. It’s one of the reasons why Kyungsoo yearns so greatly to return to the past, when he had complete freedom to live his life like the rest of the nation, instead of having to watch his back every single moment, and ensure his actions doesn’t reflect badly on his family name. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t care much about himself, but he would hate for Jongin to get ridiculed for it; he just _knows_ what his father would say, and he’s not going to mince his words when doing so. 

He groans when he’s assaulted by a splitting headache, burying his head beneath his arms as he tries to block out the light which is making everything ten times worse. 

If only life could be simpler.

 

☆彡

 

The coming days consists of plenty of awkward waltzing around on both their parts, neither knowing what’s too much and what’s not. 

Kyungsoo doesn’t talk about his feelings, doesn’t tell Jongin if he still reciprocates it like he did in the past, and Jongin doesn’t push him for answers, either. For that, Kyungsoo is thankful. He doesn’t want them to get embroiled in anything serious so soon, especially when he doesn’t even know what his own heart wants. It would be unfair for Jongin, and he’s much too kind for Kyungsoo to mistreat him like that. He doesn’t have the heart to. 

Then again, it doesn’t stop them from sharing bits and pieces of their lives over the years they’ve lost contact with each other. It’s a way for them to reconnect, to make up for the time they’ve spent being apart, even if it entails Jongin spending more time being in Kyungsoo’s room outside of his official working hours than really necessary. Kyungsoo finds that he doesn’t mind it that much; it’s the happiest he’s been in _years_. 

Of course Jongin would be the one to bring that happiness back to him. 

During the course of their conversations, Kyungsoo also discovers that _he_ was supposed to be a part of the covert ops team—Jongin had found out through his team leader back then. Somehow, it’s not an entirely surprising piece of information for Kyungsoo. He _did_ , after all, have excellent scores for their shooting tests alongside Jongin. Judging by Jongin’s recounting of his experience and the mentions of his team members who had since left—he was allowed to talk about them, as long as they are no longer part of the team; less worries about breach of safety—they recruited only the best trainees out of the compulsory military service programme. 

Needless to say, Kyungsoo was dropped off the shortlist because of his family background; his father would have kicked up a huge storm if Kyungsoo was ever called up to serve in a high-stakes environment. It’s never about what Kyungsoo wants. It’s always about what his _parents_ want for him, and allowing him to undergo active service was already stretching their limits. 

Shame. Kyungsoo would have liked to serve as a soldier for a couple of years before returning to his suffocating position as the heir of the DongA Group. At least it would have allowed him to be whatever he wanted to be, away from his parents’ constant surveillance. 

“It’s not all that fun,” Jongin tells him when Kyungsoo asks one night, frowning a little at his own memories. Kyungsoo looks up from his stack of proposal papers, peering over the top of his spectacle frame and laughs at the sight. Jongin always pouts subconsciously. It’s cute. “Imagine having to live each day with the fear of not knowing whether it’d be your last. I was afraid I couldn’t return, couldn’t say goodbye to the people I loved.” 

Kyungsoo blushes when Jongin looks at him meaningfully, quickly changing the subject. “Yeah, that definitely sounds nowhere near fun. What made you quit, then? To pursue a career in becoming a bodyguard for the rich?” 

Jongin shrugs, attention still mostly focused on the book which lay open on his lap. He hasn’t lost the bookworm side of him, either. “I guess you could say this is the best way I could think of to utilise the skills I gained from my covert ops days. Going back to college at this age seems... eh, daunting.” 

“You’ve always been studious,” Kyungsoo points out, before returning to scribble more corrections and improvements on his proposal draft. “It wouldn’t have been a problem.” 

“When you’ve spent most of your time being outdoors, office jobs become horribly drab,” Jongin reminds him with a smile. 

Oh yeah, that too. Kyungsoo can empathise. 

And with that, they fall into yet another companionable silence, with Jongin reading quietly as he keeps Kyungsoo company. Kyungsoo swears he would’ve lost his mind, if he were to lock himself in his bedroom to work on his Gungshin buyout proposal every night, without small conversations with Jongin interspersed in between. 

Sometimes, when Kyungsoo isn’t in the mood to talk, Jongin would understand too. He wouldn’t force his way into Kyungsoo’s room, and would give him all the space he needs. There’s always quiet _goodnight_ s before they part way after dinner, and the longing look Jongin gives him as Kyungsoo makes his way upstairs, and it warms Kyungsoo’s heart all the same. 

Sometimes, long after Kyungsoo had asked Jongin to retire to bed at night because Kyungsoo was planning to work till dawn, he’d still find Jongin lingering outside his bedroom, keeping him company in a different way. Kyungsoo discovers this one night, when he's already tucked beneath the covers and is about to fall asleep. He climbs out of bed the moment he sees the shadow of footsteps walking away from his door, and when he silently opens it, he's greeted by the familiar sight of Jongin's back disappearing around the corner. 

It tugs at his heartstrings, how Jongin is willing to go through such lengths to give him mental support. Nevertheless, Kyungsoo also feels terrible for making him stay up this late without reason; it would explain the dark circles under Jongin's eyes every morning, or how he keeps hiding his yawns behind a closed fist. Knowing how stubborn Jongin can be, Kyungsoo makes the decision not to confront him about his actions. Instead, when the clock strikes one in the morning, Kyungsoo would switch off his lights, waiting until Jongin had retired to his room before flicking them on again. At least it gives Kyungsoo a peace of mind to know that Jongin's sleeping soundly in his bed instead of being seated outside Kyungsoo's bedroom. 

On these nights, Kyungsoo finds himself humming a soft tune under his breath, a smile on his face as he continues to pore through his proposal papers.

 

☆彡

 

Kyungsoo doesn't know what had possessed him when he asked Jongin to be his date for the charity dinner that evening. Judging by the way Jongin had stared at him oddly, he, too, felt the same way. 

It was probably fuelled by the intense desire to avoid unwanted scandalous articles from being written about him and whoever his date would have been that evening, despite his parents' disapproving looks when he told them he was simply going alone. If he ever dared bring a girl from an equally wealthy family to the ball, it would be as good as him announcing their non-existent marriage arrangement. The media would have a field day writing about them, because the sons of the largest families of South Korea rarely ever brought a date to these events, but of course his parents had other plans—they had named Park Sunyoung as a candidate, insisted for him to ask her to come along with him. He really wouldn't be surprised if his mother told him that she had spoken to Sunyoung's mother for her hand in marriage.

Sunyoung is a sweet girl, and a good friend to him. But Kyungsoo still said no— _thrice_. He's thankful that his mother abandoned the subject in the end; he would have walked out of the proverbial closet if she kept on insisting, just to get her off his case. It wouldn't have been a pretty sight to behold, but at least Kyungsoo would finally be free. 

Looking at Jongin now, though, Kyungsoo thinks he might have made the perfect decision. He's never seen Jongin in formal wear before, merely camo suits and simple button-down shirts paired with slacks. Even then, Jongin looked _good_ , with his model-like proportions and handsome face. When Jongin puts on a tailor-made tuxedo with a hint of red over his lapels that evening, however, Kyungsoo finds his jaw dropping wide open in awe. He looks absolutely, heartbreakingly _dashing_ with his hair coiffed up and slicked back, and Kyungsoo wonders why Jongin never wears his hair like this. He could probably even blend in with the rest of the party-goers, fooling them into thinking that he was a part of the upper echelon of society as well.

Jongin looks _expensive_. Kyungsoo falls even more—only to scowl at Jongin when he asks Kyungsoo to stop drooling onto the floor. Jongin was rewarded with a well-aimed kick at his ass. They ended up leaving the house laughing all the way to the car. At least it sets the mood for the night.

Except, once the charity ball starts, Kyungsoo finds that he can't keep his eyes off of Jongin at all. He's taken aback by the eloquent and confident way Jongin carries himself, answering question after question being thrown in his direction like a true professional. All Kyungsoo had to do was introduce Jongin by his name and nothing else; those who already knew of his status as Kyungsoo's bodyguard didn't say a word to him, but those who don't, spoke to Jongin as though he was an equal, fascinated by the mere sight of Jongin, all wondering why they've never seen him around. 

Kyungsoo keeps sharing secretive smiles with Jongin after the guests are done taking up his time. They don't suspect a thing—they don't have to—and Jongin's easy confidence is a huge turn-on. 

It's almost flattering to have Jongin sticking so closely to him, his hand brushing against Kyungsoo's from time to time. Whenever it happens, pleasant tingles shoot down the length of Kyungsoo's spine, causing his toes to curl in his shoes. Innocent as the gesture may be, it soon escalates to reassuring hands on the small of his back as Jongin guides Kyungsoo through the crowd, doing his job to protect Kyungsoo without making it too obvious. It reminds Kyungsoo of the times they used to have sex in the army camp, a hushed affair in a secluded area only they knew of, and Jongin's hands would be splayed across his hips as Jongin fucked into him, lips warm against the naked skin of Kyungsoo's shoulder blade. 

That imagery is the last straw for Kyungsoo. He can only hope that his half-hard cock isn't too obvious through the fabric of his black dress pants as he whispers to Jongin that he needs to use the washroom. Then again, he fully expects Jongin to come along with him, and Jongin doesn't disappoint in that aspect, walking alongside Kyungsoo towards the second floor restrooms. 

Kyungsoo only notices the tenseness in the lines of Jongin's shoulders the moment they leave the crowd behind, though he's immediately dragged the rest of the distance to the restroom, before Jongin slams the door shut and locks it behind them. Now that they're face-to-face—Jongin's back is pressed flush against the door, while Kyungsoo stands three feet away from him—Kyungsoo finally notices the bulge in Jongin's pants, too. 

_Oh._

"You were driving me crazy back there," Jongin says, voice raspy from desire when he realises where Kyungsoo's attention is fixated upon. His pupils are full blown from lust, chest heaving as he tries to calm himself down. Yet another instance of him tearing down the walls around him, only for Kyungsoo. "Do you know how much of a turn-on it is to watch you negotiate business deals with a champagne in hand?" 

"I could say the same about you," Kyungsoo responds, taking slow but sure steps towards Jongin. He sticks a finger through the knot in his necktie, tugging it loose in one swift motion, and discards it on the sink. That thing has been suffocating him for so long. "How did you even learn to talk like _that_? If I didn't know better, I would've thought you were the son of a wealthy businessman, too." 

Jongin automatically rests his hands on Kyungsoo's hips the moment Kyungsoo is close enough for him to touch. When Kyungsoo doesn't shrug him off, he makes a bolder move by diminishing the distance between their faces, leaving just enough space for his warm breaths to fan across Kyungsoo's lips. It's tantalising, and Kyungsoo swallows reflexively to dislodge the invisible lump in his throat. The amount of alcohol he's had during the ball has left a pleasant buzz thrumming through his veins, though Kyungsoo feels as though his skin is burning up from the close proximity between his body and Jongin's. 

"Covert ops training," he whispers, eyes tracing the lines of Kyungsoo's mouth. His throat works when Kyungsoo darts his tongue out to wet his parched lips. "I've had to go undercover as a millionaire once. I guess the training helps."

"Can't deny that," Kyungsoo replies, running his hands up the expanse of Jongin's torso before undoing the first button on his shirt—a silent permission for Jongin to continue, if he wants to. "Do you know how fucking hot you are? How frustrated you've made me feel all night?" 

For good measure, Kyungsoo brushes his groin against Jongin's erection to make his desire known, and that's all it takes for Jongin to discard the last of his reservations with a strangled, " _Fuck_." 

Their kiss is a reminiscent of the first one they shared all those years ago, messy and hungry and desperate as they try to find an angle which suits them best. Jongin, as sweet as ever, lets Kyungsoo pull him down with arms around his neck as they slot their lips together, all tongue and teeth thrown into the mix. He's as good at kissing as Kyungsoo remembers him to be, hands deftly removing Kyungsoo's jacket before sliding them off without even breaking off the kiss. Once he's gotten that piece of clothing out of the way, Jongin's hands move on to cup Kyungsoo's ass through his pants, causing Kyungsoo to gasp in surprise from the sensation, and Jongin takes the opportunity to lick into Kyungsoo's mouth, sucking gently on Kyungsoo's tongue before finally parting for them to catch their breaths. 

As always, Jongin looks even more mesmerising when he's flushed, splotches of red dotting skin of golden brown. His lips, swollen from their kisses, appears so inviting that Kyungsoo can't help himself from stealing yet another chaste kiss, earning him a breathless laugh from Jongin. 

"Wow," Jongin breathes, hands still trying to memorise the lines of Kyungsoo's body. The intensity of his gaze as he looks at Kyungsoo—filled with love and adoration, no less—makes Kyungsoo shiver, but at the same time, his heart feels so incredibly full and complete. It makes Kyungsoo wonder why he'd put this off for so long, but it's better to be late than never. "You're amazing."

Kyungsoo finds himself laughing. "So are you. I knew there was a reason why I couldn't get enough of you, even in the past." 

"Oh, that's not the end of it," Jongin promises him, though before Kyungsoo can even clarify what he meant, Jongin has already dropped to his knees, undoing the buckle of Kyungsoo's belt and unzipping his pants. 

Kyungsoo lets Jongin do as he pleases, shivering when Jongin turns them around so that Kyungsoo could rest against the door instead. The anticipation builds when Jongin tugs his pants down, letting the cool air caress his thighs, and Kyungsoo practically groans in relief when Jongin finally frees his aching cock from the confines of his underwear. The entire scene is so erotic, when Jongin's looking up at him from the floor, plump lips so excruciatingly close to the head of his cock. He's sure Jongin can feel the way his cock throbs in anticipation in his hand, and he can't even find it in him to be embarrassed. He just needs his release—now. 

"May I?" Jongin asks, causing Kyungsoo to groan in frustration; he can't believe Jongin's really asking for permission _now_ , but that's what he loves about the man, too. 

With a firm nod of affirmation, Jongin finally, _finally_ stretches his lips around Kyungsoo's girth, taking Kyungsoo's cock into his mouth inch by slow inch. The warmth of Jongin's mouth makes stars explode behind Kyungsoo's eyelids, and he throws his head back in utter pleasure, fingers digging into Jongin's scalp to guide him. It takes every conscious effort for Kyungsoo to stop himself from fucking right into Jongin's warm mouth the way he wants to; having been on the giving end, he knows how uncomfortable it'd get if the receiver gets lost in his own passion. The last thing he'd want is for Jongin to choke. He wants this experience to be as enjoyable for the both of them as possible. It _has_ , after all, been a long while. 

Jongin's mouth still works expertly, tongue gliding up the underside of Kyungsoo's cock before swirling around the tip, then licking at the beads of precum leaking out of his slit. When coupled with the dirty sounds he's making, Kyungsoo can't possibly last long at all, and he makes this known to Jongin who merely coaxes him to come into his mouth. 

And come Kyungsoo does, with a muffled grunt into the sleeve of his dress shirt as his orgasm claims him. Jongin continues sucking him through his orgasm, swallowing everything Kyungsoo has to give, fingers brushing gently against the flesh of his thighs as he praises Kyungsoo for a job well done. The tension which has been bothering Kyungsoo all night is promptly replaced with relief, and he thanks Jongin by pulling him up and smothering him with yet another passionate kiss, humming when he can taste himself on Jongin's tongue. 

When Kyungsoo is about to return the favour next, however, Jongin merely smiles and shakes his head. "It's fine," he reassures Kyungsoo. "I can deal with it for the rest of the evening. Can't possibly wreck the heir of the DongA group now, can we?" 

Kyungsoo would have felt indignant at the rejection, if he hadn't caught the silent promise concealed in Jongin's words— _tonight_ , Jongin seems to be saying, and already Kyungsoo can't wait for the ball to end. 

They clean up to the best of their abilities—although more on Jongin's part than Kyungsoo's—as quickly as possible, making themselves presentable to the world outside once again. No one can find out about what they've been up that evening, and they've been careful enough to not leave marks in visible places. It's all thanks to the amount of practice they've had back in the military camp, though Kyungsoo is pleasantly surprised that their bodies can still remember how it's like to be pressed flush together. 

Nevertheless, the panic surges forth and engulfs Kyungsoo's senses when he throws the door open and finds that someone is standing outside, immediately wondering if the man had heard anything at all. He's not sure if they were being loud moments ago; all Kyungsoo could hear back then was the gushing of blood in his ears, and the slick sound of Jongin sucking him off. Kyungsoo can only try to play it cool, assuming his warmest smile as he says, "My sincerest of apologies. Were you waiting to use the restroom? I have a terrible habit of locking up the main area whenever I use the public restrooms—"

That's when Jongin joins him at the entrance, though he immediately drags Kyungsoo behind him when he sees the man. "Kyungsoo, get down!" He yells as he whips out his gun, and Kyungsoo is momentarily thrown into confusion until he, too, notices the man has his own gun drawn. 

Everything else happens all too quickly after that. The next couple of seconds was utter chaos, with the sound of two gunshots reverberating through the open space simultaneously. Kyungsoo stares in utter horror when he notices Jongin clutching onto the right side of his chest, his hand already stained with the unmistakable colour of blood, but before he could even say a word, Jongin has already taken off with his gun still in hand, chasing after the man whom now Kyungsoo finally realises is an assassin sent to take Kyungsoo's life. 

It dawned on him that he had very nearly died while making an amicable conversation with someone he didn't even know. 

Fuck. 

Kyungsoo finds himself scrambling to get to his feet when he hears another gunshot, cursing when they keep giving way beneath his weight. He's never experienced real fear—not even when he was kidnapped and beaten up badly several months ago—until now, not knowing if the gunshot originated from Jongin or the other man. Screams fill the grand hall as yet another shot goes off, and Kyungsoo manages to get to the balustrade just in time to see everyone running for their dear lives. It's a miracle Kyungsoo can spot Jongin in the crowd at all, still chasing after the assassin who is now limping through the sea of people, elbowing them in their faces whenever someone gets in his way. The man opens fire at Jongin once again when the path is clear, and Kyungsoo watches in utter horror as Jongin doubles over in pain in the distance, this time clutching his abdomen. 

He barely manages to dial the emergency number on his phone when Jongin raises his gun and fires twice, finally hitting the man square in his chest this time. Kyungsoo nearly cries in relief when the man finally tumbles to the ground face-down; he didn't have to see the situation up close to know that Jongin had shot him right through the heart. He had always been a superb marksman, after all. 

Then Kyungsoo finds himself stumbling down the stairs when Jongin, too, loses his hold on his gun and drops to the ground unmoving. It takes Kyungsoo a huge amount of effort to get to where Jongin is, when he keeps slipping on the marble flooring, but he sobs openly the moment he gets his hands on Jongin's limp body. He decidedly ignores the blood pooled on the ground as he pulls Jongin into his lap, trying to shake him awake but to no avail.

"Jongin," Kyungsoo hisses through his tears, taking off his jacket before pressing it against the wound on Jongin's abdomen to stem the flow of blood. It's futile. " _Jongin_. I know you can hear me. _I know you can hear me_. So God help me, open your eyes before I slap you to oblivion!"

No answer. Jongin's breaths are shallow, his lips incredibly pale. 

Fuck fuck _fuck_. 

"Kim Jongin! You can't die on me. Kim Jongin!!!"

 

☆彡

 

He nearly falls off his chair in surprise when someone flicks him on the forehead, jolting him awake from his fitful sleep. 

There's a scowl on Kyungsoo's face as he blinks the last of the sleeping dust out of his eyes, silently cursing the rude wake-up call, though he immediately shuts up when he finally opens his eyes and finds the man on the bed smiling back at him. 

His sleep-addled brain catches on much later, however, slowly reminding him that he'd just spent at least five hours sitting outside the operating theatre with his bloodied hands clasped in a prayer, refusing everything his parents were trying to offer him—food, water, words of comfort. There's no way Kyungsoo could have gotten anything into his system, when he's already sick with worry about the person lying on the operating table. Even if they tried to force him to eat, he would have ended up emptying his stomach contents into the bin, anyway. 

It's a good thing his mother managed to coax his father to leave Kyungsoo alone in the end, though the excruciating wait continues long after the surgery was done. Even after the doctors had told him Jongin's condition has been stabilised, it didn't help ease Kyungsoo's worries at all. Not when Jongin was still lying motionlessly on the bed, a large drainage tube which is supposed to help drain the blood and help his lung expand coming out of his right chest wall, bandages wrapped around his abdomen where yet another huge scar can be found, owing to the doctors' effort at stopping the source of internal bleeding and removing the bullet case from his body. 

Jongin means so, so much to him. It's something Kyungsoo has always known, from the first time they had dated, and even after Jongin had left him without saying a word. The incident at the charity ball late last night where Kyungsoo was very nearly assassinated, was only a reaffirmation of that fact. It felt as though his heart had withered and died the moment he witnessed Jongin being shot—not once, but _twice_. Kyungsoo can only be thankful that the assassin had missed his vital organs at all. 

Right now, though, witnessing Jongin sitting up on the bed and staring back at him with a small, tired smile on his lips, Kyungsoo can finally rest easy. But it doesn't stop him from glaring at Jongin for flicking him in the forehead. 

"What was that for?" Kyungsoo asks, indignant. 

Jongin only laughs again. Kyungsoo tries not to look at the column of blood oscillating in Jongin's chest tube. "Wipe that frown off your face. It's not a very flattering look." 

"Whose fault do you think it is?" He retorts, though the fight escapes him when the exhaustion washes over Jongin's expressions once again. Trust Jongin to keep up a brave front even when he's probably suffering from excruciating pain. "Don't overwork yourself. You very nearly died back there."

A wry smile spreads across Jongin's parched lips. "I assume I was shot in the chest and the abdomen? What happened to the man?" 

"Died. You managed to kill him before you passed out," Kyungsoo informs him, and Jongin responds with an understanding nod. "Don't you _ever_ scare me like that again. You're not allowed to."

"What?" Jongin chuckles quietly, being careful not to disturb the wounds on his abdomen and chest. Judging by the way he reaches for the controller for the analgesic machine, it's not quite working. "Are you going to fire me?" 

"No," Kyungsoo scowls again, resisting the urge to flick Jongin in the forehead himself for the ridiculous notion. "Why would I? I just spoke to my parents and insisted that they kept you around. So you're pretty much going to be stuck with me for a long time, until I get sick of you."

Jongin raises an eyebrow in question. "Are you? Going to get sick of me, I mean?"

Knowing Jongin's merely trying to get an honest answer out of him—Kyungsoo didn't exactly come clean with his feelings for Jongin, not yet—Kyungsoo pretends to heave a long-suffering sigh. It only serves to trigger yet another laugh from Jongin. He knows Kyungsoo all too well. "You know very well that I won't ever get tired of seeing you around. Especially not now. The fear of losing you for good is real. I can't lose you yet another time."

Jongin immediately turns serious at Kyungsoo's confession, and he reaches for Kyungsoo's hand. Not wanting Jongin to strain himself, Kyungsoo takes it readily and moves to sit on the bed next to Jongin. His hand feels icy cold in Kyungsoo's palm. "I'm sorry for scaring you. I promise I'll take better care of myself from now on. I love you, Kyungsoo."

"I love you too, Jongin. If you ever die on me, I'm going to find you, and kill you twice," Kyungsoo grumbles, though he shifts forward to meet Jongin's lips midway in a kiss when Jongin smiles at him and says, "Okay."

It's the only affirmation that Kyungsoo needs. It doesn't even matter that they're going to face a whole lot of opposition from his father when their relationship is in the open. Kyungsoo will do his best to work things out, even if his father threatens to disown him for his sexual orientation. Jongin is the happiness Kyungsoo has always needed and will always need, and he's not about to let Jongin go again. He's not going to spend the rest of his life living in regret. 

This is his promise for the both of them.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Dear recipient, I hope this is in accordance with what you're looking for! I'm sorry that the story seems a bit rushed, since I've been bogged down with lots of stuff in real life, and ended up having to speed write everything in the last week leading up to the submission date. Regardless, I still hope you enjoyed this! :)


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